


Night of change

by NickName95



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-04-07 11:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19084102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NickName95/pseuds/NickName95
Summary: I always got me how much of an affect Jeff had on Clay’s life. So I want to explore what might have happened if Jeff survived. This is going to shamelessly be what I wished happened in the show. And I feel we need some more Jeff/Clay coupling stories. If that’s not your thing I understand. If it is then welcome and enjoy. Thoughts on how to make my writing better are always appreciated.





	1. First change

**Author's Note:**

> Starting from the night that literally changed lives. Here is my take on it.

“Leave Clay!” 

He was fully dressed after that last yell. Rushed to put on clothing after she pushed him away. He had tried to see what had went wrong but he knew that staying could be more traumatic for her, so he listened and left the room. 

Walking down the hall and down the stairs he returned to the loud and crowded living room before walking out the front door. That’s when he heard his name being called again. 

“Clay, what’s up man? You look down?” Jeff Atkins asked his tutor and friend. “It’s nothing Jeff, don’t worry about it.”

“You face says it’s more than nothing Clay.”

“I’m fine, really. I think I’m just going to go home though.”

“Want me to drive you? I have to go on a beer run anyway.”

That got Clay Jensen’s attention. “How much have you been drinking Jeff? Are you sure driving is a good idea?” He asked concern evident in his voice. 

“I had a beer an hour ago and have been drinking lots of water since.” Jeff responded. He was commonly invited to these high school parties and because he had a fake id he was usually sent on liquor runs so he knew his limits and what to do to keep himself sober while still having fun. 

“You sure you’re going to be alright to drive Jeff?” Clay asked not fully convinced. He definitely was feeling down after Hanna’s rejection of him but that didn’t stop him from feeling concerned about the safety of one of his friends. 

“Aww how sweet of you to worry about me bud” Jeff half joked. He could see the worry in Clay’s eyes though. “Listen there’s a park not to far of a walk from here. We can go there and hang out a while so you can feel more comfortable with my sobriety; but you have to tell me what’s got you down. Deal?” He extends his hand to the other boy, his face serious. 

“Fine” Clay huffs in resignation and shakes hands. Both boys leave the house of Jessica Davis and walk in silence. It takes them seven minutes to walk to the park. Once there Clay automatically goes to sit on a swing set he sees. 

He begins to slowly swing. Listless and absent minded as Jeff takes the swing next to him. He doesn’t speak and let’s the younger tutor get things straight in his head. 

Jeff knew Clay well enough to know that he can’t push this conversation like he’s done with other conversations in the past. So he waits silently and swings. Clay for his part appreciates his friends patiences. Part of him is annoyed that Jeff used his worry over Jeff driving drunk to get him here, and part of him is glad his friend is kind enough to not let him be alone with his thoughts when it is plain to anyone who sees that Clay was feeling down. 

They sat there for a while. Only the sound of the squeaking of the swings breaking the silence of the night. 

“I don’t understand girls.” Clay finally said. Jeff just stopped swinging and waited for clay to elaborate. “You saw how I was hanging out with Hannah Baker. We were having a good time, laughing and drinking. So we went upstairs, to Jess’s room I guess, I just know it was empty.”

Jeff stayed silent, already able to see where this was going but not intruding as clay told his story. 

“Everything seemed okay at first. We kissed, she was touching me, I was touching her. She got my shirt off and I was working on getting hers off when something seemed to change. She told me to get off her so I did. I tried to ask if she was okay, if it was something I did but she just told me to go.”

“So I put my shirt back on, and I tired to ask again if she was alright, but she just yelled at me to leave. So I did, I didn’t want her to feel trapped or pushed further than she already did.” He finished saying. 

Though short it took a good five minutes for Clay to get that all out. And once he did he just sat in silence again. 

“That is rough Clay” Jeff said as he reached out to place his hand on Clay’s shoulder in a gesture of support. “You did the right thing though, or I think you did at least. Sometimes it’s better to give space and in situations like that it’s hard to say what’s right or wrong. But you did as she wanted and that’s all you could have done” he said. 

“But should I have, . . . should I have just left her there? Should I have waited? Should I have told her I’d be around the party if she wanted to talk? I don’t know Jeff. I thought I was reading the signals she was sending right, but maybe I was pushing her without noticing” Clay sighed. 

“I don’t want her to think I just left her, but I didn’t want to be a creep and make her feel like I was staying around for rejecting me” he scratched his head in confusion. 

“I just want her to be okay” Clay hung his head down as he admitted. 

“Listen Clay, it’s a tough situation your in. And I know nothing I say will make you feel at ease. But you’re not a mind reader Clay. She told you to leave and you respected that. That’s all you could do” Jeff leaned in and gave Clay a side shoulder hug. 

“You’re really worried about it, which is good. It’s more than I could say that some guys at our school would do it they were in the same situation. So give her some space, and try to talk with her about it in a few days. Tell her you want to make sure she’s alright. Let her know what you’re thinking but make sure she knows you want to know her feelings about it whenever she’s ready to share. That is all you can do bud” Jeff says as he let’s go. 

The two of them sit on silence again. Just the creaking of the swings and they move back and forth accompanying them. “I want you to know Clay, I’m proud of you” Jeff says to break the lull of conversation. 

“You came here, and you tried to go for it with the girl you like. And while it didn’t go the way you wanted you at least tried. That’s more than the Clay of a few months ago would have done.”

“You don’t think I’m a total loser or a creep?” 

“I think your the opposite actually. And once you talk to her and you two hash it out I think you’ll be stronger for going through this. And who knows, maybe you’ll build on this with Hannah” Jeff winks as he stands up. 

“I think…” Clay just stares at Jeff for a little. “I think me and Hannah will be better off as just friends. If anything tonight has shown me that we might not match as a couple. And that’s if she wants to even be my friend anymore” he finishes. And Clay could feel a little weight lift off of him as he came to that decision.

He’s always liked Hannah, ever since he met her at Kay’s going away party. Working with her, talking with her, that time they did molly together. He felt like he was falling for her more and more. But going through this with her, he could see that maybe he didn’t understand her like he thought he did. He had more to learn about Hannah Baker, and maybe just being her friend was the right choice. So he could be there for her and really be a pillar of support she could lean on. 

Clay got up and stretched. He felt exhausted but better than when he first left the party. Jeff smiled at him. “That’s up to you Clay. If that’s what you decide though I’ll just have to help you find someone else” he laughed. 

“Now how about I give you a ride home. And I think I’ll go home myself, it’s kinda late anyway and those people are probably plenty drunk enough without more beer anyway.” Clay looked at his watch and was surprised that they had spent so long just sitting there talking. “That sounds like a plan to me. And thanks Jeff, for everything.” 

They returned to Jessica’s house, found Jeff’s car and got in. Jeff made a big show of buckling up to make Clay laugh. As they were driving they saw some cop cars at an intersection. It looked like someone had knocked over a stop sign and in the darkness if it weren’t for the lights of the sirens it would’ve been hard to see. Whatever happened it was a relief for them both to know that nobody would be getting into an accident there at least. 

Jeff got to Clay’s house and pulled into the driveway before parking. “Thanks for the ride home Jeff” Clay said as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Thank you for listening to my advice Clay. I’m sure we’ll be opening you up to many more new experiences in the coming school year” Jeff grinned. “And getting you dating sooner or later” he half joked as he gave Clay a high five. Clay just smiled and got out the car. He waved bye as Jeff reversed and pulled out into the street. 

Clay went inside quietly and made it to his room without making to much noise. He changed into his sleeping clothes and thought about the night he just had. While he was still worried about how badly he may have screwed up with Hannah he knew that he could only cross that bridge when he came to it. And he smiled at the thought that he at least had Jeff to help him through and navigate the tough times of high school and relationships.


	2. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah and Clay talk about the night at Jessica’s party. Characters start to be out of the character cause it’s diverging from the show and into my own picture of what they are like. Read and enjoy, or not up to you.

Clay did as Jeff had advised. He gave Hannah space, at work he was polite but tried not to be in her personal space. They made small talk but it was obvious to Clay her mind was elsewhere. He thought it was probably on the upcoming school year, cause that’s what he himself was focused on. The new year meant a lot of time spent dealing with classmate, a few who he’d be happy to avoid, new teachers and classes, and just a lot of stress that came along with it. But at least it also meant he’d be back to tutoring Jeff and having a reason to be around him and not feel like everyone was wondering how a jock like Jeff could tolerate a nerd like Clay. 

Clay shook his head to stop himself from going down that rabbit hole of negative thoughts and instead focused on his computer. He stared at the black word page he opened up an hour ago to try to work out what he would say to Hannah. He had been typing and deleting things for hours cause everything he wrote just seemed so stupid if he said it in real life. Giving up he decided to just exit out of the program, shut off his computer and go to bed. Tomorrow would be the first day of school and he was sure that he’d be able to try to get a regular conversation with Hannah going in a setting he was more familiar with. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How could I have convinced myself talk to Hannah at school about what happened at Jess’s party was a smart thing” Clay mumbled to himself. It was lunch time and even though he had seen Hannah multiple times that day he chickened out of talking to her or they were surrounded by too many people to get the chance to have a private conversation. 

“What are you mumbling to yourself about Clay?” Asked Tony as he sat opposite of Clay. “Oh, hey Tony. Didn’t see you coming.” Clay responded. “It’s nothing you have to worry about, just me being the over thinking I am.” He jokingly said. “And what pray tell are you o we thinking?” Tony inquired, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. “I just have something I want to talk to Hannah about, and we’ll …. it’s private but … I just can’t find a good time to talk to her about it” Clay admitted while being as vague as possible.

“Well if you need a place that’s private you know the bleachers are a good place to go. Far enough away that people can’t really hear you if you talk. Anyone else who’s there is to busy with their own shit that they’d not pay you any attention. Though if you want it to be a place you won’t be seen then under the bleachers is an option.” Tony helpfully gave his two cents. “And Hannah is right there, do if your going to talk with her now would be your chance” he pointed to Hannah who was making her way to their table.  
N  
“Hey helmet, Hey Tony. “ Hannah greeted them both. “Hannah” Tony greeted in response. Clay just raised his hand in greeting as he had his mouth full of food, which he had quickly shoved in as soon as Tony told him Hannah was coming. Tony looked at him funny but didn’t bring it up, Clay knew he had just chalked it up to some weird Clay nervous action thing. 

“How is the first day back treating you both?” She asked them. “Can’t complain it’s only the first day right” Tony said nonchalant. “It’s going fine, how is yours going?” Clay answered and asked Hannah. “It’s going as you could expect a first day of the year to go I guess” she said. Tony just stared at the two of them as they started eating in silence after that. He looked at clay after a few minutes of this and as if making a point of it said “I’m going to go check on some other friends. See you tomorrow guys” and got up and left. Both of them watched him leave and then just sat in silence. 

They both tried to get a conversation going but whenever either one of them would open their mouth to say something they would just close it after a while. Surprisingly it was clay who couldn’t deal with the situation any longer as asked Hannah, “Want to go and sit in the bleachers?” “Yeah, sure. It’s feeling crowded in here and it’s a nice day out anyway” she responded. They both got up and started walking outside the cafeteria to the bleachers. Tony was right, there weren’t a lot of people there and everyone who was sitting there either had EarPods in or were talking with their own friends. Hannah and clay went to sit in the upper seats in a corner away from all of the others. 

Once they say they again just awkwardly tried to start a conversation while also trying not to look at the other person in the eye. Time ticked by like this and it felt like an eternity for Clay. He was pretty sure this was hell, while also wondering if he had any of those anti anxiety pills that his psychiatrist had given him freshman year at home somewhere; cause he was almost certainly going to need them if he didn’t talk to Hannah about Jess’s party. 

Thankfully Hannah was the one to speak up this time and end the suffering Clay was feeling “Listen helmet, … no Clay, I know things have been weird between us ….. since Jess’s party. We’ve both been trying our best to ignore it but I think we both know that we have to talk about it. Right?” She asked in a small voice. It had dawned on Clay in this instant that Hannah was just as worried about it as he had been, he just didn’t realize it. “Yeah, we should talk about it” he said in an equally small voice. His face blushing from embarrassment before he moved his head up to look directly at Hannah. “I’m sorry” They both said at the same time. “You’re sorry, but you have nothing to be sorry about!” They both affirmed in unison. 

“Okay, okay wait. We should probably take turns talking shouldn’t we” Hannah said after they both shut their mouths waiting for the other to speak. “You’re right, so you go first” Clay agreed and allowed her to tell him what she wanted to say. She nodded thankful for the quick agreement and for him yielding to her first. “I’m sorry for the way I acted as we were making out. I did like it at first, but as we started to go farther I ……. well I freaked out. You had stopped when I told you no, and you had even asked me what was wrong and if I was okay, and in the moment I just wanted to be alone so I lashed out at you and yelled at you hoping it would drive you away. And I’m sorry for that” she said breathing deeply as she organized here thoughts. Unbeknownst to Clay what Hannah didn’t say is she had flashbacks to Justin, and all the other guys who screwed her life up in different ways, by groping her, objectifying her, not stopping rumors calling her an easy lay and many more. 

“After that there was a lot on my mind so I was distant even when we were at work together” she went on to say. “I had recently come to figure out that I really do need someone I can just be myself with so I’ve been trying to find a way to talk to you normally again for a few days now. So I thought lunch with Tony and you would help make it easier, but I guess Tony could tell how weird things were between us and wanted us to work things out” she concluded. And started to breath easier. As if a weight she was carrying around had been lifted from her. “But why are you apologizing Clay?” She asked him. 

Now it was his turn to start organizing his thoughts. “That night…” he started but stopped. Not knowing what to say exactly and just deciding to be truthful and say how he felt. “That night …. when we were making out. I really enjoyed it as well. And so when you started to yell at me to just go I was confused. I wanted to make sure you were alight, but you seemed to want to be alone so I left” here Clay paused. “You know how I think a lot and am in my own head a lot Hannah, so I think you can guess that after I left the room I was analyzing everything from before that moment” he looked at here and she nodded. He could see in her face she was picturing him and his state of mind back then. 

“I wanted to stay, but I thought that would make you uncomfortable and make me seem like a vindictive dick who couldn’t take no for an answer,” he took a deep breath and went on “I didn’t want to make you feel pressured by my presence and I didn’t want you to feel like I thought you owed me sex for making out with me so I just did what you asked and left” he exhaled with a sigh. Then took a big breath in. 

“I actually met Jeff on my way out of the party that night. He was kind enough to hang out with me away from the party and I told him about what had happened” he looked at Hannah ashamed. “I hope you don’t mind, or think that we as gossiping about you or anything. It was actually Jeff who had convinced me into trying to see if you would have any feelings for me that night, romantic feelings I mean” Clay started rambling. “Cause I mean I already knew you saw me as a friend, but Jeff knew I had liked you as more than a friend. And he’s been trying to help me tell you that for months so in the moment after what happened at the party I was sure he would have some insight or advice for me. But looking back now that probably wasn’t the best time and …” his breathing was getting shorter as he started to speak faster. 

Hannah interrupted him with “Clay, it’s okay! I get it! I know you’re not the type to gossip and I know you’re close with Jeff and trust him so just take a few deep breaths and calm down.” He did just that. Once his breathing normalized Hannah asked him curiously “So what did Jeff say?”

“He told me that I did the right thing by listening to you and leaving the room. And that I should give you some space before talking to you about what happened so we both could sort out our thoughts” Clay answered. “So that’s what I was doing. Giving you space while trying to think how I’d broach the topic with you” he admired. “If I’ve seemed distant it’s cause I didn’t want to rush you, and cause I didn’t really know how to bring it up. I mean I’ve been trying for a few days in my head to sort out how we’d even begin to talk about it but it all just sounded stupid in my mind if I said any of it out loud” he told her. 

“It got to the point that I just I’d do it at school cause it’s a place that I usually have a grasp of myself in. But when I tried I just thought it was a bad time or to crowded to discuss something so sensitive.” Clay revealed to Hannah. “Thankfully Tony did notice it during our brief lunch together, and you wanted to discuss it as well” he breathed a sigh of relief. “And Hannah, you didn’t do anything wrong by screaming at me. You were upset in the moment and anyone would have responded like that if they felt their wishes weren’t being listened to i that situation. Looking back on it now I can sorta empathize with how you must have been feeling with me sticking around after you told me to go. So don’t be upset that you yelled at me, okay?” Clay asked her looking her in her eyes. His showing that he meant every word that he had said. Hannah just nodded grateful for the words of comfort. 

They both sat there in silence again. But this time isn’t wasn’t awkward like it was before. It seemed like there was an air of tranquility with them. As if the two of them were cleansed of some dark thing and they could enjoy the other’s company again. “So where does that leave us now though Clay?” Hannah asked as she turned to face him. “Do you still have feelings for me?” She needed an answer to this before they could move on. 

“Truthfully, ….. well truthfully I don’t know. When I was talking with Jeff that night, and the days following it, I came to see things in a new light” he started to say. “First of all I came to know that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did. Like I don’t know how experienced you are… sexually” Clay blushed as he said it. “Which isn’t any of my business unless you decide to tell me anyway” he finished and moved on quickly. “But I don’t know if you even like me like that. I don’t your fears about sex, of life, or anything deep like that either” he looked here in the eyes as he said that. “And I came to see it’s my own fault for not knowing those things. Cause I’ve been to shy, to scared to get to know you on a deeper level like that. And I’ve been using my feeling for you as a reason to try to stick close to you but not pry and get to know those things that a real couple would talk about” he looked down at his shoes as he said it. 

“So what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been to immature with my feelings and can’t say if I like you like that, or if I was just infatuated with you and tried to tell myself that it meant I liked you” he concluded. 

“So long story short is that you want to get to know me on a deeper level before you decide if you like me as more than a friend helmet?” Hannah asked, using her nickname for him to show Clay she did mean it when she said she needed a friend she could be herself with. “Yeah” was his short response. 

“Okay then, that …. well that means a lot to me Clay. And I guess I can use that time myself to see if I also like you as more than a friend on a deeper level as well” she smiled at him.

‘She really does have a beautiful smile’ Clay thought to himself. “Until then friends?” He asked and held out his hand to her for her to shake. “Friends” she took his hand and they shook. “Phew that’s was really deep” Hannah laughed. Clay chuckled and nodded in agreement. 

“Hey Clay! What are you doing out here?” Suddenly they both heard a voice call out. They both turned and saw Jeff Atkins walking up the bleachers to them. Clay smiled and responded to Jeff “I was having a heart to heart with Hannah, about you know what.”

“Ah Yeah,” Jeff looked awkwardly at Hannah “I’m sorry that I made Clay tell me what happened. I know that it should have just been between you two, but he looked so upset and I knew it had to do something with you. And I sorta pushed him into trying to put the moves on you so I felt I owed it to him to hear what went down” Jeff explained to them. 

“In retrospect it could come off as talking smack, but I swear Clay never said anything bad about you” he told Hannah trying to make sure she didn’t think badly of the other guy. “I know. Really I just wish I had a girl friend who would do what you did for Clay for me” she laughed. “It’s all water under the bridge now, and we can all start off with a new slate okay?” She asked them both. 

“Okay.” “You bet’cha!” Clay and Jeff responded at the same time. 

“Well I’m going to go and start getting ready for next periods, lunch is almost over. See you at work tonight Helmet” Hannah said as she started to walk down the bleachers. 

“See you then Hannah” Clay responded happily. 

When she was gone Jeff sat down and uttered “So you guys worked things out then huh. Glad it went well.”

“So am I” Clay proclaimed. “And you were right. Giving her space and sorting out my own feelings before talking to her really helped.” 

Jeff just smiled at Clay, and for a moment Clay felt warm and happy as well. A part of him questioned why seeing Jeff smile would make him feel so happy, but he brushed it off as just being glad things with Hannah weren’t totally lost. 

“Well we better get going ourselves. Don’t want to be late to class on the first day of school do we?” He got up and started walking down the bleachers as well. Clay followed behind him and wondered to himself where things would go from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I’d like to thank everyone who liked or commented or bookmarked this. It means a lot to me. I’m slow to update which I hope you can all cope with. This chapter was pretty difficult to write as I’m sure you can imagine. And I’ve done my best with it. So thanks for reading it and making it this far. I’ll update again sometime. Also don’t upload and type super late at night. Typos just slip by you lol


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